Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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