he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
