my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Are we still banned from the library?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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