He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
being pregnant is like rehab
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
