She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
