why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
