i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
