And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
