dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
