he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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