I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
