ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
