I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize