"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
