can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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