so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
