I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
