Michael Bay diarrhea
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
