Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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