Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
