Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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