I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
