This girl is more easily done than said...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
