I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
