Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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