I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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