She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
