I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
