oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
