you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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