Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just threw up on my dentist
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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