No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
