Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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