I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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