drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
