He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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