I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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