ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
