after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
