My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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