I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
