a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
