We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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