Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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