Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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