she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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