I'm sorry my penis didn't work
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you had me at cake vodka
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
