I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
