How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
