There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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