Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
