We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
