Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
