He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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