I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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