I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
