i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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