What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
