allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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