I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
