I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
