I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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