did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
