my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
