i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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